"We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another."
Robert Frost said - "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." If this is love then I am deeply in love with you. Its been a struggle trying to forget about you when you won't give me a second chance. I don't know what I am suppose to do. I never had someone I couldn't forget. It is a deep longing in my soul that cries out in darkness. My nights are filled with restless sleep. My heart yearns. And all I can do is stare at the ceilings imagining a life with you I may never have.A worthy love hurts. It is the only way it lets us know how fragile it is. I am not fearful of hurt, but I didn't realize how much it would hurt when I left. I am not fearful of mistakes that I made. Do not worry about my feelings nor my pains in life. Worry that I may sit for the rest of my life wondering if I lost the only one that ever could have mattered.
Pure happiness and love are so rare, so scarce in this wild crazy world, that it is impossible not to feel overwhelmed by them. Every morning when I make my coffee now I think of what you are doing. How long will this last for? How long will I associate coffee with your smile? How long is it going to take me until I can finally give in and give up and say, I tried. When will my heart listen to my mind and leave you be?
"Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life." We give into things as human beings. Learn new things. Poke and prod at we don't know to try and discover. I didn't understand what it was back in High School. I tried to put into the words what I felt. I found that I couldn't. I was so exhilarated by my newfound feelings that I was afraid of destroying it forever. And by doing nothing, I lost what meant the most to me. I had the most painful experiences in my life back then, and yet to this day, I look back upon it as a time that I cherish and wouldn't give up for anything in the world. Garth Brooks said it best, "I could've missed the pain, but I'd of had to miss the dance." I wouldn't give up the dance for all the gold and diamonds in the world.
The mere thought of you is all it takes to shape my day. Dreams of adventures, long dances on sandy white beaches, awaking to a bursting sunrise, your hand in mine as we walk down the crowded street of life, are all that enter my mind. I've changed in dramatic ways since speaking to you again. My desire to be a person worthy of your attention fulfills my every need. I want to be someone that you would promise your life to. I want to be worthy. I need to be worthy. "I love you, not only for what you are, But for what I am when I am with you." I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
I don't know why J gave us different stories. I know she doesn't understand how deeply I feel for you. I know she doesn't understand why I never felt that deepness for her. When she told me you brushed me off as if it meant nothing, I couldn't help but feel my heart crush. Do I not deserve a chance to show how I feel? Is everything I do now, going to be defined by what someone else thinks and not by actions that I can control? I told you before that "Pain is certain, Suffering is optional".... well, it is hard not to suffer when you feel the pain over things you never controlled in the first place. Do we live in fear for the rest of our lives, afraid of experiencing true emotions because only then will we discover true pain? That is not a life I feel worth living. One day at a time, one step every day. Experience all that it has to give and if the time ever comes for us to part ways, I know I will be grateful for every moment I was given. Love isn't defined by the mistakes we make. Love is defined despite them. Don't be afraid your life will end, be afraid it may never begin.
I have a car ready to go. I am waiting for you to give me a second chance. We deserve to be loved deeply and truly. Our feelings deserve the chance to see things for themselves.
"To be your friend was all I ever wanted; to be your lover was all I ever dreamed."
Love,
Me
