Dear V,
I dreamed of you last night. It scared me how vivid my dream was. Once I awoke I found myself reaching over to you, searching for your warm body, and only finding the edge of the bed. Laying there in the bed my eyes adjusting, I felt them filling with tears as the realization of reality slowly sank in. God, I miss you. I hoped, begged, and pleaded to hear our sons voice as I laid there. I needed to hear him, even if it was just noise. I needed that comfort. I needed some kind of comfort. I hate these dreams. There are so beautiful and real and I am so happy in them, and then when I awake it is this hell that I must live in. This hell that I have been thrown into. How has it come to this? Why has it come to this? Why has love forsaken me?
It was in mammoth. The dream. Remember when we went to mammoth mountain to go snow skiing with the family? And we stayed in the condo by the slopes? It was there. I think. You know how dreams are. It felt like I was there and yet a lot of the things in my dream I didn't recognize. I could feel the cold. I could feel the warmth inside me when we wrestled in the snow. I could hear our son crying when he held onto the snow for too long and froze his fingers. I could hear your laughing as we played to cheer him up again. It was all so real. Why does this happen? Why must I wake up? If I must dream I wish you were not in them. It makes life unbearable.
I lay in bed for hours at a time trying to figure out how to fix things. Maybe tomorrow when I see you I can fix things. Maybe tomorrow you will come home. Please come home. I need you here.
I have to go finish packing now. I'll probably leave in the morning and be there by noon.
Love,
Me
